Not that anyone in particular will ever read this, but I figured I should post a reason why I started this. Not that I need to give an explanation for starting this at all…I don’t owe you anything. Nevertheless…here it is; I need to a place to vent. Whether or not doing it in this particular way is best, is yet to be seen, but, I figured it at least deserves a shot.
So…let us start with this. Today, is a new day. Today I stop being “afraid” of being me and apologizing for who I am not or what I have yet to become. I recently read a quote, or meme, or what have you that stated this: “Disclaimer, I am a real person. I am no longer afraid to say what makes me angry, sad or what I think is unfair. I’m not scared, to admit that at times, I feel worthless, lost or not enough. I’m not hiding from the word love, life or magic, and I will not edit the sad angry or fucked up parts of my story. I am a real person. I struggle and I sparkle. I am a real person.”. This is the “theme” of this blog.
This is an outlet of sorts. I will be posting things about my life, experiences, ideas, struggles, the whole nine yards. My hope is that through all of this I will be able to, in a healthy way, release all the things going on in my brain.
I’m not doing this for anyone but myself. If, for some odd coincidence individuals end up reading what I have written, then so be it. However it is not what I’m after. I’m not seeking attention, and this is not a cry for help. This is me, fully exposed and unedited, trying to help myself in a way that I think could work out beautifully.
I am, and forever will be Melissa, that will never change. Maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to figure out why I am the way I am, or find out small details about myself I never realized. For now, I’m trying to enjoy the search, and trying to assure myself that for the moment it’s okay to not know certain things.
I’ll end with something I came across scrolling through Pinterest or Facebook (honestly, I can’t remember) one evening.
“Who taught you to be small? Who taught you that those cracks were flaws? Taught you that your light couldn’t shine through the fractures and scars? Who told you to accept what you were given and did not want? Told you that any love was better than searching for the one only meant for you? The one that has always been inside yourself. Do not listen to them. Their mouths are full of turpentine and cyanide. They will strip all the gold from your feathered limbs and leave you unraveled-all pock marked, pink-skinned, and alabaster boned. You were not made to be grounded. You need the crisp air, a belly full of laughter, a heart carrying so much love you feel the seams stretching. Mostly, you need to realize that one by one the population has swelled to billions, but even still you were hand selected, all beauty and flaw, to never be replicated. You are the finest art to have ever been created.” ~ Tyler Kent White
I will no longer be small. I will no longer accept mediocrity and ordinary. I was born to stand out, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.
Disclaimer: I am a real person 