It’s been about a year and a half since I last wrote one of these. Part of me wants to use excuses such as the following: depression, I work 50-60 hours a week, in my free time I just want to sleep, etc etc. It’s time to stop the excuses though. I truly believe that this will be a good outlet for me considering I don’t have many people in my life that I talk to on a normal basis, or that I share intimate details of my life with.
So considering the hiatus that was taken, lets play a little catch up.
In the past year and a half I’ve done the following:
- Moved out of my parents house into an apartment with an old coworker about 7 miles away from my place of employment in a different town. (kind of)
- Had a relationship with a guy that I truly thought was going to be it, going to be “the one”. That turned out to be one of the biggest jokes of all. In the process of this relationship I fell away from everything for a bit. I was so involved with this individual that nothing else really mattered to me. (And before you think it, I’ll just say it… I know that’s not how it should be, and that’s part of the reason it’s over.) This relationship shook my whole life, to the point that I didn’t know who I was without this person. That was the biggest thing of all to overcome after it all. (Finding who I truly was again). There’s obviously A LOT more that happened in this relationship and maybe one day I’ll touch on it here, and maybe I won’t. Just know that I am where I am now because of the ups and downs this relationship brought me.
- At one of my lowest points after this relationship I started doing things that weren’t characteristically “me”. I know that is extremely vague, but all you need to know is that it wasn’t the best. What you should know is that I chose to make “lemonade out of lemons” and learn from it to become more comfortable in my own skin.
- For the longest time through all my physical and mental health issues I kept telling myself that “this isn’t me”, “this isn’t the me I was 2, 3, 4 years ago”. While that’s true… I’ve learned to stop beating myself up over it as much. People change, fact. I am a person, so I am subject to change. I’m not 100 percent sure why I have never been comfortable with myself being able to change too. It’s okay if I’m not the person I was 2, 3, 4 years ago, no matter how different that may be.
- I “fell away” from an organization I grew up in, for what started out as being petty reasons, but now are pretty conclusive. I can honestly say this decision wasn’t an easy one and I fought with myself for a very long time because of it. It took me a long while to realize that I just wasn’t getting my need met anymore, and my heart wasn’t in it anymore, so it was necessary to find something else, and I did. (Mostly)
- I gauged my ears and got my first tattoo. I now realize why people who have tattoos say they are addictive. I already want more. I’ve had a least 3 planned out for 5 years now, and I’m so stoked to get them.
- I got a puppy! Her name is Kota, and she’s definitely wasn’t what I was expecting to get when looking for a dog, but she has become one of the biggest helps to my depression and anxiety. She is a very tiny mutt mix. She won’t get much bigger than 10 pounds. I’ve never been one for small dogs, always thought I’d have a large dog. She has such a big personality though that it makes up for her small stature.
- I recently got accepted to Arizona State University to get a degree fully online in Family and Human development so that I can eventually have a career in counseling.
So there’s at least some things to catch you up on what’s been going on in my life if you really wanted to know.
I can assure you that I still don’t have it all figured out, and I’m not sure that I ever will. But can anyone truly say they have every detail of their life figured out? If so, feel free to contact me and share how you did so. I promise to be a captivated listener. Until then I’ll just keep trucking along relying on God and living my life to the best of my ability. I know it’s not always going to be easy, in fact some days may be far from easy. At the end of the day I’m just thankful I get to live this life the way I want to live it, and make the best decisions for me.
Disclaimer: I am a real person 